Jonathan Swift is the earliest known proponent of baby eating satire. Today he makes an appearance (in spirit only) by posting commentary on EatBabies.com.

Dumplings is a delightful Chinese comedy / drama / horror / thriller film shedding light on ultra-rich immortal baby eaters. You’ll love it not only for the characters, plot twists, and dark comedic value but also for the chewing sound effects. More Dumplings please! Check it out on IMDB and Wikipedia.

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It is finally upon us.. The comet of the apocalypse..

http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/air_space/4201569.html

“Friday the 13th of April 2029 could be a very unlucky day for planet Earth. At 4:36 am Greenwich Mean Time, a 25-million-ton, 820-ft.-wide asteroid called 99942 Apophis will slice across the orbit of the moon and barrel toward Earth at more than 28,000 mph. The huge pockmarked rock, two-thirds the size of Devils Tower in Wyoming, will pack the energy of 65,000 Hiroshima bombs—enough to wipe out a small country or kick up an 800-ft. tsunami.”

Science says it isn’t supposed to happen.. that it will miss the Earth by a few earth-diameters.. but who believes in science anyway?

The real facts: Friday 13th .. 2029 .. 4:26 AM… 2+0+2+9 = 13 .. 4+2+6 = 13 .. and 13 + 13 + 13 = 39 *17.076923076923 = 666 MY DEAR GOD.. WE SHOULD BE VERY AFRAID PEOPLE

The people have spoken and posted their comments on this news story, and as such we will comment on the ones that are dead on accurate.

33: the focus should not be on “heading off asteroids and comets” but on developing a field propulsion system for our new spacecraft. only then will we be able to head off the asteroids and comets.

Come on guys. I’ve been TELLING YOU we need field propulsion. NASA really needs to get their ass in gear. They don’t even have field propulsion.. let alone phasers, shields, cloaking devices, and tractor beams. Those would be totally awesome.. come on NASA.

29: Well, I’m one of those “God nuts” as one blogger so eliquently put it and according to the Bible in Revelation 8:6-12 an asteroid (not necessarily Apophis) will hit Earth. No amount of science will prevent that. If you read Revelation you’ll discover the reason.

That’s right. No amount of science will prevent the coming apocalypse. Better just give up now guys. I’ll be accepting any of the worldly possessions you are looking to get rid of before the inevitable. No returns, sorry.

24: The best is to see that 13th April 2029 might be a Holy Friday and that for sure I know that 13th April 2036 is an Easter day. Coincidence ? No. The Holy Bible will tell you about this disaster to happen before Christ comes back after the great apostasy where majority of people renounced their faith in God because of atheistic mass medias. Now people just took the religion given by the mass medias, the materialistic atheism. It’s just a good thing that this happen since the earth is now the playground of the devil, controlling the monatery system. Pray to God for your salvation.

The numbers don’t lie people. Not only will we be receiving the comet of the apocalypse but Jesus himself is expected to make an appearance before it kills us all to tell us just how screwed we are. It should make for an excellent story. Make sure you tune in to our godless mass media system when the story breaks.

23: It’s God’s will to punish the world for their unmeasured sins to God. It is just logic that God is sending a meteore on the nations that acts like people does today. The pride of men goes over the limits and it will be the end. Christ will come back, all this is already written in the Book the Church gave us : The Holy Bible. It’s written first there had to be the great apostasy, which means that all people deny God, then the coming of great disasters, then the coming of Christ for ever and ever. Just be in peace with God, you’ll have nothing to fear but Him.

That’s right people. It’s just logic that you shouldn’t be afraid of the comet, but be afraid of God. Plain and simple.

21: I hope we don’t have to face another dark age and have religious crazies telling us it’s “God’s will.” That science can save the human race. And if not, that we have stored our knoweledge (books) in a safe place, so the human race will not have to repeat itself again, as it has in the past. Also, are we sure that Apophis is not a small chunk of rock that broke off a much larger piece of rock that is also heading our way. “Always prepare for the worse.”

Yes.. words of wisdom “Always prepare for the worse”.. I told you that books were awesome. You didn’t listen. No matter.. You’re going to die anyway.. But the books will live on.. So no harm done..

19: i think bibicaly we will be hit as a matter of fact twice

This is a matter of fact. I think.

12: Apophis is a messenger of doom and his advent may have a great message, somewhat divine, uncertainly evil, undoubtedly destructive. It could be a reminder from the Holy One, the owner of this planet and Apophis (could be a minor subordinate) set to inform us that another asteroid greater than him could arrive should we continue destroying this great blue planet Earth. Apophis may or may not hit us – his creator gauging what we would do, how would we respond, when would we start caring about the homeworld. The coming of a greater problem would mean we could have simply shrugged our shoulders and could have ignored the message from above. The Holy One, the mighty GOD, would not let us people destroy what is His. HE himself will do it and He will do it in style, massive, to the max. After everything else, He may create again. Another big bang, a new Earth, a new Adam and Eve. Sort of another cycle (my guess only) would occur. Like starting all over again. And then if the new creation never learn to care for the environment, another Apophis would be ressurected. And what could be the name of his elder brother? (Am very sorry the effect of last night’s beer got stuck in my head.) I always guess that Genesis and Apocalypse are occuring in cycle, until SOMETHING is perfected. What is that something I could never understand. I might just augment the number of beer bottles I would drink tonight to get close to something that could enlighten me, with peanuts on the dish, cigarette sticks by the table, and having my wife as the guest relations officer by my side. I must so often cherish every moment with her so that if Apophis arrive sooner, at least I have done my part.

Well of course the comet barely missing us is a warning sign. And naturally the proper steps to prevent a comet from hitting us in the future are renewable energy and recycling. Why even post this comment? Everyone knows that the best asteroid prevention is a clean Earth. But since we all know how impatient The Holy One is and that we’re not going to clean up in time.. the asteroid is pretty much inevitable. Pass me a beer before it hits.

10: I really think that NASA should consider doing something about this problem. I mean, 2+0+2+9=13. It is scheduled to hit us on FRIDAY 13th. It is NEO #99942. What’s a 9 upside-down? I’m not one of those freaks about “pre-decided fate,” but that’s just a little coincidental.

COME ON NASA.. Don’t you know 2+0+2+9=13? And you yourselves DID put 999 in the comet’s designation. Can’t you see that 999 is almost like 666? I thought you guys were supposed to be good at math or something. Just tell the government that 2+0+2+9=13 and ask for more funding. I’m sure they’ll understand.

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